I have a friend who has run 100 marathons. I suspect it is my friend’s sense of humor that has enabled him to do that.

Humor heals! Humor is a great stress buster! Without it, life can be oppressive
Humor is a wonderful parenting tool!

Use humor to bring fun into your family.

It can lighten up homework and ease boredom.

Of course, you may have to listen to

101 Pickle Jokes!!!!!!!!

Do something out of character; surprise your children!

Here is my suggestion for a winter project. Create a list, or a fill a jar, with activities that will produce laughter or be fun. Let the all the family contribute.

Some ideas:

• Hold a bubble blowing contest
• Make a fort out of spare blankets; eat lunch or take a nap in it
• Eat saltine crackers and hold a whistling contest
• New name day; everyone choose a silly or unusual name for the day.

Now it’s up to you; run with it and have fun!

Transitioning from the heightened activity of the holidays often stresses our children. Their systems are out of balance; food and sleep have been disrupted. Suddenly they are back to school. They have homework again. As the activity level changes, our children can often use some help acclimating to “ordinary time.” Sleep and nutrition are excellent remedies for restoring balance.

Happy New Year!

Marge

What is oppositional defiant disorder? 

Oppositional defiant disorder is a behavioral disorder that affects children and adolescents. Children and adolescents who have ODD tend to distress others more than they feel distressed themselves. These individuals are often times uncooperative, defiant, irritable, negativistic and oppositional with authority figures (i.e. parents, teachers, etc.).

What are the causes of oppositional defiant disorder?

Although the actual causes of ODD are unknown the most common theories include the developmental and learning theories. Developmental theory suggests that the symptoms of ODD are related to unresolved (normal) developmental issues that occur during the toddler years. Learning theory suggests that the symptoms of ODD are learned behaviors and a product of the child’s environment (i.e. this behavior may be learned from parents or other significant role models in the child’s life).

What are the main symptoms of oppositional defiant disorder? 

(From the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV))

• Often loses temper Often argues with adults
• Often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults’ requests or rules
• Often deliberately annoys people
• Often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
• Is often touchy or easily annoyed by others Is often angry and resentful Is often spiteful and vindictive

How do I find out if my child has Oppositional Defiant Disorder?

A competent medical doctor or mental health professional must diagnose ODD. It is important to note that transient ODD is common in preschool children and adolescents. Therefore a diagnosis of ODD in these age groups should be made with caution. ODD is more common in males that females before puberty, yet after puberty the rates become almost equal. According to the DSM IV ODD affects between 2% and 16% of all children.

What types of treatments are effective for oppositional defiant disorder? 

A medical doctor or competent mental health professional must determine specific treatment for your child or adolescent. It is always important to obtain a thorough physical examination by your doctor to rule out any physical causes. Considerations that should be made include your child’s age and developmental history, family history, the extent of the symptoms, tolerance for certain medications and therapies and your particular preferences.

Treatment choices include:

• Individual psychotherapy
• Family psychotherapy
• Group psychotherapy
• Medication

• Child is in charge
• Child chooses the activity
• Give only positive feedback (not a time for talking about poor grades or behavior)
• Use parallel talk
• This time is never taken away as punishment.

FEELINGS:

Does your child or teen express sadness, emptiness, hopelessness, guilt and worthlessness; inability to enjoy everyday pleasures? Does your child or teen cry frequently? Is there artwork that expresses inner turmoil?

THINKING:

Does your child or teen have difficulty concentrating, making decisions, completing school work, maintaining grades?

PHYSICAL PROBLEMS:

Does your child or teen complain of frequent headaches, stomach aches, lack of energy? Is there a change in sleep habits–going to bed later; sleeping later; waking earlier; sleeping for long periods during the day? Is there a change in eating habits–eating significantly more or less than usual?

BEHAVIORAL:

Is your child or teen irritable, having a difficult time getting along with others? Does your child or teen want to be alone most of the time–withdrawing from their friends, not visiting or talking with friends? Is your teen or child cutting classes or skipping school or expressing a desire to no longer attend school? Is your teen or child giving away possessions?

SUICIDE RISK: 

Does your adolescent or child talk or think or in any way express ideas of suicide, death or morbid subjects?

If your child or adolescent is exhibiting one or more of these symptoms over a period of time, or if there is a radical change in behavior, here are some suggestions:

• Talk with them about what you observe. Ask if they are okay. There is no danger in raising their awareness of your concerns.
• If you continue to be concerned, call a professional therapist for help. This could be a Marriage and Family Therapist, a Social Worker or a Psychologist.
• You could also talk with a family doctor, a good friend or relative, teachers, clergy, those who your child or teen may know and trust

If you feel that your child or teen is in immediate danger, call 911 or your local crisis line

(in San Diego, California, the number is 1-800-479-3339).

Anger and other negative emotions may be evoked when individuals try to share their experiences with others and those experiences are not listened to or validated. The word “experience” is itself a very broad term and difficult to define. To complicate things more we all experience things differently. Take for example the experience of a sunset. While some individuals revel in its inexplicable beauty others reflect on the wavelengths, refractions of light and other characteristics which define and explain what they are experiencing.

When individuals try to share their unique experiences with others the grounds for a battle between who is right and who is wrong are often laid. When Pontius Pilate was sitting in judgment of Jesus and casually asked “What is truth?” he asked one of the most profound philosophical questions of all time (John 18:38).

Simply put, being “right” and knowing “the truth” helps many people cope with life. Psychologically there is a tendency to simplify and explain things because the unexplained raises our anxiety. This is a primary reason why individuals hold on to their truths and are willing to go through “knock down drag out” fights to defend them!

Imagine a time in the future when a scientist invents a machine that allows us to be someone else for a day. The potential for understanding each other would increase dramatically! Meanwhile we will have to rely on communication to understand one another. The beauty of effective communication is that it enables us to relate our individual “experiences” and “truths” to each other. The main vehicle for achieving this is active listening.

If you practice active listening with your children or spouse positive results are guaranteed. Active listening involves good eye contact, attentive body language and periodical feedback to the person, which acknowledges you heard what was being said. Active listening also involves putting your own “truths” and “experiences” aside for a while; this is the most challenging part for many people.

If you decide to improve your communication skills and practice active listening be aware that you may experience anger and other negative emotions when your own “truths” and “experiences” are challenged and you choose not to defend them. Realizing this and actively paying attention to it will help you let go and expand you own realms of “truth” and “experience” (remember it was not long ago when people believed the world was flat and those who challenged this belief were thought to be “off their rocker”!).

Personal growth involves mindful attention to our own inner fears that limit our openness to alternative experiences of reality. Being conscious of this allows us to open new doors and expand our worlds. In addition our relationships can only improve as we move closer to understanding each other through active listening.

Delores, an 11 year old, physically attacked her fifth grade teacher and justified her actions by saying, My mother will hit me if I do not stand up for myself.

John, a 12 year old, calmly related that after his mother failed to buy him a souvenir at a local amusement park, he picked up a trash can lid and started beating her car with it.

Mark, an 11 year old with a chronic history of behavioral problems, placed multiple phone calls to a female classmate with whom he was angry. During several months he left more than 15 messages threatening her life. The girl’s parents, terrified by the calls, placed a tap on the phone and eventually had Mark arrested.

These are just a few examples of the children who have been referred recently to our anger management groups. We have found that our referral sources, particularly social services and schools, have an increasing need for programs that deal directly with problems related to anger. Not only have we filled our groups for children and created waiting lists, we have also received numerous phone calls requesting groups for teens and adults.

In our groups we teach about anger, that it is an emotion/feeling and as such that it is Okay. We explain that what we do with anger may cause us difficulty, whether we stuff it or whether we act out the angry emotion inappropriately. In order to increase the awareness of group members, we help them identify where in their bodies they experience angry feelings. We elicit from the group examples of appropriate and inappropriate expression of anger. Further discussion produces stories of how anger has been expressed in their lives and what the consequences have been. The group actively participates as we use storytelling, drawing, collages, and games to enable them to integrate these concepts. We find that active participation helps the group members maintain interest and attention more than a didactic approach. Predictably, the self esteem of the children in the group is very low and most often masked with false bravado. The structure of the group provides a safe environment for members to learn from each other.

Outside of the groups, we offer our support to parents and guardians. We assist them in setting limits and identifying appropriate consequences. Parents and guardians appreciate the reminders that children do not have to react favorably to limits or consequences, and that, beneath the surface, children are longing for the safety and love that structure provides.

Not surprisingly there is now a proliferating interest in anger management services. All one has to do is pick up a newspaper to realize the horrific consequences resulting from the inappropriate and violent expression of this very basic normal human emotion. In our groups we focus on the management of this emotion, while we recognize that the subject of anger is a multi-level, systemic phenomenon encompassing both the individual and society as a whole.

]]> http://help.angrykids.com/groups/feed/ http://help.angrykids.com/how-do-i-know-if-my-child-needs-help/ http://help.angrykids.com/how-do-i-know-if-my-child-needs-help/#comments Fri, 12 Sep 2008 16:35:54 +0000 admin http://help.angrykids.com/?p=13 Sometimes the answer to this question is obvious and sometimes it isn’t. There is a gray area between normal and abnormal behavior with children. We expect to see an increase in anger management problems during certain developmental stages. Two year olds have a reputation for oppositional behavior, as do teenagers. Other variables that need to be taken into consideration are the uniqueness of each child, different values and behavioral expectations in families and cultural differences.

At risk children direct their anger outwardly or inwardly. The “acting out” child often exhibits problems that raise the concerns of others outside of the family. If professionals from your child’s school express concerns this is certainly a red flag. Behaviors to watch out for at home include violent behavior towards self or others and destruction of property.

The “acting in” children tend to direct their anger inwardly. These children often show signs of depression. They may be withdrawn from friends and family, lose interest in normal activities, and exhibit changes in sleeping or eating patterns. These children are also the most likely to “slip through the cracks”; unless the symptoms are profound they often go unnoticed by parents and other adults.

If you are unsure if your child’s anger is being expressed appropriately and within normal limits, seek outside help. Talk to other parents who have a child the same age and compare notes. Discuss your child’s situation with the school counselor, clergy or other professionals. If the feedback you get confirms your concerns seek professional help.